It’s Christmaaaaaaas!

So, last night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed. I turned. I even counted cms (the media equivalent of sheep) and I couldn’t get off.

I even got up to my young daughter when she cried – a job I have convinced myself is so technically difficult its usually reserved for the wife (thanks to my Oscar award winning sleep acting).

And do you know why I couldn’t sleep?  It was that last blog post.  It was too serious. It wasn’t funny enough. Not enough inuendo (fixed that already). It was bereft of swearing. Reader offers?!? – I mean what the fuck was I thinking. In short, in this yuletide season – I let you down.

So, I wanted to make it right.  I want to talk about the “MCPF” or as its better know the Media Christmas Party Fortnight.

Now, as I see it there are 4 classifications of MCPF -

1. The Great Big Industry Sector in A Great Big Hall

These are the leviathans of the MCPF world and as such should be treated with caution.  Treated with caution not from a booze perspective, but because of the tears.

Yes, usually under the auspices of charidee some one gets on stage and makes everyone cry. Then they make everyone (who are already pissed) reach into their pocket and bid for something they don’t need – did someone mention Jenny’s pair of Hockney’s ?

I’m all for charitable giving but these events should require you to be breathalised prior to winning any auction.

Fun Rating : Midnight Finish

Booze Rating : 3 bottles shit white wine

Hangover Rating : 2 Paracetamol, 1 x bacon roll

Danger Rating :  Relatively tame

2. The Media Owner Christmas Slog.

There is nothing in the world as amusing as watching a sales team who have been on 14 successive media lunches and evening dinners. They are ruined, they know it and their body knows it.

I am assured that the lunch/dinner combo is much like being a boxer tackling a fight with tenacious skill. Head, body, head, body, head – for those that have seen The Fighter.  I have admiration for these guys, as they fight again this year.

Bravo.

Fun Rating : 7pm finish from lunch (equivalent of being out till 4am)

Booze Rating : 3  G&T, 4 Red wine, 2 Port and a few liveners.

Hangover Rating : 4 Paracetamol, big breakfast and a lucozade.

Danger Rating : Just don’t start talking rates

3. The It’s Christmas Let’s Invite The Clients Out Do.

Now I must admit these are my favourite.  Taking clients out is a good part of Christmas, and I’m not just sucking up to any clients reading.  They are seriously fun.

This season alone I have given a fire-mans carry to one Marketing Manager who fell down a kerb and made up & performed a whole rap with another marketing team.

Just last Friday following an amazing client do, I watched someone from the team receive a black eye in a freakishly random dance move by ITV’s Richard Chilvers.  Not funny.  Ha.

These are great events, but approach with caution, and ensure that the line between sobriety and drunkenness is walked along but never crossed. For the first hour anyway.

Fun Rating : When did I get in?

Booze Rating : 3 bottle of nice red, desert wine and a few beers

Hangover Rating : Strong latte and a raspberry Bircher

Danger Rating :  Eye Patches mandatory

And…4,  finally – The All Agency Xmas Drinks.

Four words – Least said soonest mended.

Fun Rating : Errrr?

Booze Rating : Ouch

Hangover Rating : Ow

Danger Rating : Ooops

So friends, as you prepare to go out again today to celebrate the season feel free to use my rating system to help gauge what you are letting yourself into.

Follow me @mullinsarama

Or if you want something a bit more cerebral follow @the7stars who are giving .50p to our client the Royal Marsden for every new follower.