The Art of Lunch

So, its about time I wrote about one of my favourite subjects. LUNCH.  Or more specifically the media lunch. You may have read about the social lauch recently?  I think this is a great idea.

Before I talk about why, I thought I’d talk about the art of the lunch –  particularly because of a lot of recent chats with brow beaten media owners centre on the new crop and the fact they don’t seem to get it.  The guys that work with me are indoctrinated in some ground rules for being the perfect media owner lunch guest, and how to make lunches as useful as possible. I thought I would share them with you:

1.When your host asks you where you would like to go, the following is NOT an acceptable list in response –  Hakkasaan, Sheekys, Claridges, El Buli or the Fat Duck.  Don’t take the piss; it ain’t the 90’s.  Switch it around and ask where they want to go instead. Equally, media owners, try and make it a bit more exciting than the Charlotte Street Chez Gerard.

2. Once you get there –  with regards to Menu etiquette and what you can and can’t order… I once sat on a lunch with a  colleague who ordered the three tiered Fruit de Mer. All for himself. For no other reason that it was the most expensive thing on the menu. If it weren’t a sister agency in austere times paying, it would have been funny. In fairness it was funny.

(I still remember waiting for you to finish those lobster tails Blake.)

3 .Friday is for friends. Get together with someone whose company you still enjoy spending time with. At the end of the day it’s one of the perks of the job.

4. Similarly, never lunch with someone you have never met.  Blimey – now I know we are paid to get on with people, and this is even truer on the media owner side of the fence, but we all work too bloody hard to have to make small talk over lunch with people we don’t know. Have a couple of meetings first then lunch. Got it?

5. Whilst on the subject of small talk, no I don’t want to talk about the following ; how long have I worked here, have I any brothers and sisters, where am I going on holiday, or where I live. Its not a hairdressers. Get some fucking banter.

6.Please, no matter what the circumstances, never put a laptop (or ipad) on the lunch table. It’s not that I don’t want to hear about your website or new programming strand.  It’s just that I expect you to be a good enough sales person to weave these things into conversation.  If in doubt the clue is in the name – Mircrosoft Office (little R sign).

7.  The best advice and most important rule of all is ” if you don’t like someone don’t do it”.  I turned up to a breakfast recently with the salutation – “I don’t like you, you don’t like me shall we skip the food and do the deal.” Honesty is always the best policy.

A final story – my most memorable lunch of 2011 involves a few bottles of red wine, a few too many rounds of tequila and a night in a police cell after being arrested at 7pm on the tube.  Luckily enough that was Keith and not me.  I stayed for a couple more drinks first.

So if wants to get in touch or needs someone as a brand embassador (in fairness they will probs give Lawson a call first) give me a shout, and if you want to post these rules on your site I’m sure we can come to an agreement on a decent license fee –  I’m always up for a good lunch.

  • Sapna Pieroux

    Mircrosoft?! There’s two little Rs in your version! 😉

    Basic rules, but clearly not so for all: the breakfast meeting intro was hilarious. Did you do the deal?

  • Katherine Levy